PROFILE
The Journal Of A Grade A Fuck Up.
Jason Pereira
27051985
MSN:dead_mindset@hotmail.com
Abandoned as a child in the 1980's, Jason was raised by homosexual nose picking midgets.
After being discovered by a group of rogue entomologists he was assimilated back
into society at the age of 7.
As a ward of the state Jason quickly learned the art of lock-picking, safe-cracking, kid-napping and several other hyphenated yet nefarious skills.
Once he had amassed a king’s ransom in ill-gotten loot he realized the error of his ways and donated is fortune to The Preservation of the Honor Killing Society and joined the circus as a trapeze artist.
On the night of August 16th 1999 Jason and his Supermodel/Astrophysicists/conjoined-twin wife, Esmeralda,
attempted the once-thought-impossible ‘Septuple Wilenda’.
They failed.
Unable to overcome the tragedy Jason left the circus , buried his wife together
with a couple of drugged up prostitutes
and moved to Singapore where he now builds full-scale models of homosexual garden gnomes.
He also dreams of a future where chickens can cross roads and their motives go unquestioned.
And oh yeah. Fuck you.
It took four years for me to discover this.
Sunday, November 27, 2011 ( 5:11 PM )
Thursday, October 18, 2007
Ingrate, I know.
What many people do not know about me is that I am very damn observant- to the point where the anal alarm starts to go off. It's worked well for me for years now, this particular trait, and today, once again, it continues to work its magic.
I believe in leaving certain things to fate, but there are a few things that I know better than to take risks with. Its funny coming from me, you may say. I am, after all, Ratu Risk Taking Dare Devil Dorcas, as Claudia and Nani will have you know. But years of getting my heart broken leaves me with no choice but to take extra precaution when it comes to that- matters of the heart.
This shit is starting to sound so lame already. Jesus.
This is where it gets sporadic, random and even more lame.
The person I see is.... sweet without trying to give me diabetes, manja without threatening his masculinity, caring without being suffocating, simple without being complacent, smart without being obnoxious and beautiful both inside and out.
Simply put, he sweeps me off my motherfucking feet and there's not much I wouldn't do for him.
Strong words coming from someone who's spent most of her life being fiercely guarded against such strong display of emotions, but even I am not dumb enough to let someone so amazing slip past me just for the sake of playing it cool.
But sometimes, I wonder if... the person I'm with is the person he really is. On most days, the answer is a yes. In fact, I'm pretty damn sure he's not fucking around with me because when he says certain things, I don't just hear it, you know? I feel it. And he turns me into this B-grade high school romance flick actress who giggles and twirls her hair for no rhyme or reason, and I know nothing that is... fake can have that kind of an effect on me.
Or maybe I just don't know myself at all.
Amidst all that supposed angst that people who barely even know him can accuse him of, I see someone who, despite his own assurances, is still unsure of who he really is, and what his beliefs really are. That scares me, because I see such an amazing person and my heart breaks at the thought of him.... succumbing to the image of him that people have in mind.
He doesnt really know this but I don't share his beliefs on the one issue that... got us talking in the first place. He probably never noticed this, but as much as I laugh at the things he writes about, I have never said a word in rally of his cause because... I don't have an opinion as far as that is concerned. This is not to say I disagree with him, of course, but I know that right now, I'm not ready to form an opinion about something that I feel... doesn't really affect me. Pardon how uncaring that came out.
But I practice tolerance because.. his cause is a good one, and it is done tastefully. I do, however, feel he needs to sort out his delivery before anything, because he is sending mixed signals and confusing even people like myself. You know, people with an IQ of like, 500.
Reading his older entries, which were dated not more than a few months back makes me wonder if it is indeed written by that same person, because some of the things said just didn't quite go well with whatever opinion I' feel I know about him and what he is all about.
I also chanced upon other things which I'm too lazy to elaborate on... which makes me wonder if maybe, there's a slight chance that I'm about to lose my hair due to confusion.
Over the years, I have grown to become so simple, I am almost a devout Buddhist. I don't ask for much from anything at all because at the end of the day it is not about what you're surrounded by so much as what you choose to surround yourself with. And I don't give two hoots about things that are of monetary value. Take my money. Take my possession. I don't need that shit, you know?
All I do hope to get, however, is peace of mind. I'm independent and I know what the hell I want in life, and I cannot afford to get my heart broken by someone who... god, I don't know, doesn't know know how to fight for what he is fighting for.
Sigh. He'll probably hate my guts if he ever reads this. But that's a risk I will take because... it's a small price to pay if that means he doesn't lose himself amidst all of that insanity.
Aku sayang banget ama kamu, sayang. And aku gak mau kehilangan kamu... I don't think you'll ever get what I'm trying to say and sadly, it's not because your Bahasa Indonesia is a mixture of Hindi and bastardized Malay.
Love,
Silly Sahera Killy Kanchen Dilly Dorcas
(Chief Onion)
Amazing how it took four years for me to actually sit down and google her full name, to realize that she had actually written anything about me.It's been four fucking long years, and I do miss you, because I always believed you were that angel sent down to protect me and love me, and when I lost you , I almost lost all belief in love, but it's the love you showered me that inspired me to keep putting my heart on the line time after time, I fear knowing where you are now, but I pray it's in a beautiful place that you've always belonged.
You always knew me better than anyone, and you were the most unselfish person I have ever met in my life.You always told me that one day I would meet someone would make as happy as you have made me, if not happier , and that I should make her as happy as I had made you if not happier.I did find someone years later Sahera, I did, I did find someone whom I believed would be the one, the one I would marry and go on and have little Jasons with, I believed I had found the one that would have made you proud of me, and just as I have let you down, I have let her down.
I lost track of my beliefs Sahera, and succumbed to what people think of me, and if you saw me now, the person I have become, you would feel i have let you down. I never thought that I could love someone as much as I have loved you, but I did , I did . And when I hurt her, I hurt her more than anyone actually deserves, but you taught me one thing, that sometimes even if it kills you on the inside slowly, I have to be strong, and let that person go, so that she will find the happiness she deserves one day.
You have always been the reason I believe in selflessness, for I have seen you give everything and expect nothing,and just as you have let me go in order for me to love again one day and I find happiness, I too have to let the one I love now go in order for her to find true happiness.
Just you like you said before.
Some of us just deserve better.
They just do.
Take care Sahera, wherever you are now, and thank you for being there for me once again when I had no one, even if it has to be spiritually.
Goodbye.